Tears

I went to my usual violin lesson, and was surprised to see Heidi show up towards the end of my lesson. I had thought she would be coming next week. I went into shock, literally. My legs gave out, my hearing and vision started to ring, and I started blacking out. I kneeled, and had to ask my teacher to repeat himself several times, but I finally got myself back together before Heidi came in the door.

Afterwards, I went to Starbucks in the hopes of talking to her, but she evidently went straight home.

I went home and had a long talk about the matter with my parents. My father confirmed my so-so dowsing readings. Basically, she's a good friend (75 percent), but as far as soul mate, children, and anything deeper than friends, it ranges 0 to 17 percent. If it were higher, I'd be chasing her. Since it's not, I'm cutting her out of my heart. I asked my mother to help, and she did. I bawled my eyes out. Now...I'm just kinda quiet. I'm going to remove any and all vestiges of Heidi from my world. Her gifts go in a box, and I'm going to move on. As much as it hurts, she's not worth pursuing. I don't know why, but I am making my choice and I have faith that I will be happy for it.